Stop listening to negative people!

Do you let negative people poison you with their limiting beliefs? Do you have people in your life that don’t seem to have anything positive to say when you share a goal, dream or plan? If you do, you’re probably letting their negativity bring your level of performance and achievement down - even if you don’t think it’s happening!

In my life I’ve had people around who were not positive when I shared with them a business plan or a goal I had set. Sometimes they were even negative when we were talking in general. I’m guessing that you probably have someone like this in your life - hopefully you know who it is (sometimes figuring out who’s your “negative nelly” can be tricky). Once you know who it is (or who they are for some of you) you need to figure out what steps you need to take to make sure their negativity doesn’t cause you to start to doubt your own abilities, plans and successes.

Let me share an example; years ago when I was just out of school, I had a friend who was pretty happy with his station in life. Let’s just say his station involved playing a lot of video games, living at home for free, and not working any harder than he needed to in order to pay his car payment. He wasn’t what you would call “ambitious.”

He was always negative when I would talk to him about my plans. He had fifty reasons my business wouldn’t succeed. He had all the reasons why moving into an apartment when I didn’t have a guaranteed paycheck was a bad idea. He knew exactly why he wasn’t able to get ahead himself, or find a better paying job; society was keeping him down.

I never thought I took any of his negativity to heart. I would try to let it roll off my back, and for the most part I think I did a pretty good job. I did start a business, I did move into (what was for me at the time) a pretty expensive apartment. I was doing all the things that he said I would fail at. I thought I was doing great!

But over time I realized that every now and then this little voice would pop up and say, “Maybe Joe was right about this. Maybe it’s a fluke that things are working out for you…” By listening to, and being around, a negative person I had picked up a limiting belief that wasn’t even originally mine. He had passed it on like a cold!

I was fortunate enough to find and work with a mentor and business coach during this time. I really began to realize who around me was genuinely trying to help me by questioning my assumptions and statements, and who was just negative and trying to tear my goals, hopes and dreams down.

After several years I decided that “Joe” was bringing me more pain and negativity than I wanted or could handle in our relationship. I decided that the best thing to do would be to stop spending time with him. I had to take a very drastic step and “fire” a friend. When you don’t identify negative people around you early, and take steps to minimize their negative influence on you, you sometimes have to take drastic actions like stopping the friendship.

You have to be careful too when looking for negative people. Not everyone who disagrees with you is being negative! Also, some people who seem to be negative are really supportive, they’re just challenging you with, “how.”

If you tell your negative friend you’re going to earn a million dollars they might say, “You can’t earn a million dollars, you never went to college.” A supporter would say something like, “It will be very difficult to earn a million dollars - impossible without the right plan.”

If you stop listening after your supporter says this, you’ll miss their follow up comment; “Lets talk about your action plan to see if it makes sense to reach your goal.” A lot of times the distinction between someone being negative and trying to tear you down, and someone being supportive, but asking hard questions, won’t be so clear.

So, how do you handle people in your life who are chronically negative that you can’t “fire?” You can try to understand why they’re being negative. Is it the result of a bad experience they’ve had with a goal you’re trying to achieve? Are they worried you’ll fail and make a fool of yourself?

I’ve often found it’s the latter. Many times you’ll find the people who are most negative are the people who love you the most. I don’t believe it’s because they are trying to poison you, but they’re afraid your failure to achieve a goal will be too much to bear (but for you or for them I don’t know).

The best thing I’ve found to do with people who are negative for these reasons is to start small, share your cemented successes, and build up the goals and dreams you share with them slowly. If you burst into the room and exclaim, “I’m going to be president of my company in 2 years!” They’re going to slip into “negative nelly” mode. If you burst into the room and exclaim, “I just got promoted to manager of my department! I’m going to start learning how I can keep moving up in my company. I would enjoy being at the top someday.” you’ve shared with them an absolute achievement - you received a promotion - and you’ve set the stage to start talking about your rise to the CEO’s office.

It’s much harder for your constantly-negative loved one to poison you with limiting beliefs if you take this approach with them.

To enhance your success, goals and personal development, stop listening to negative people who want to tear you down. They’re not being negative to warn you away from disaster, they’re being negative because they’re jealous of your ambitions and goals. Share your small successes - if you keep them in your life at all - and make sure you supplement yourself with positive material on a regular basis. There are so many great resources on the Internet, in your local book stores and at the library that you’ll have more material available than you can use in one lifetime!

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Here are some related articles you might also enjoy!

• You become what you think about.
• The power of a habit.
• Success is spelled with 4 S’s
• Cash or conscience?
• There’s no excuse not to practice!

December 30th, 2005

Entry Filed under: Development, Improvement