How’s your “bedside manner”?
Recently my wife complained of severe abdominal pain and nausea, so bad she asked to be taken to the hospital. When she was admitted, the doctors tried to get her feeling comfortable while they puzzled over what might be causing her problems.
The doctors listened with their stethoscopes, drew blood tests, had x-rays taken, and scheduled CT scans. Almost every test came back completely normal with one exception - a slightly enlarged appendix.
“Ah Ha!” cried the doctors, “Call in the surgeons, her appendix needs to come out!”
And in came the surgeons. They poked and prodded and asked for lengthy medical histories. Finally they concluded they thought the problem might be the appendix, but they weren’t sure; they decided to operate and remove it anyway.
While all of this was going on, my wife’s mother kept telling the doctors, the nurses, and the surgeons, “You know, when I was just a little older than her I had very similar symptoms. It was my gallbladder, can you test that?” The surgeons all thanked her for her input, but you could clearly tell they didn’t care what she had to say since she wasn’t a medical professional…The appendix was removed.
A week later my wife was again complaining of severe abdominal pain and nausea, she had been doing well the week before, this second attack came on suddenly, like the first - so we went back to the hospital. This time her doctor was G.I. specialist who ran the same blood work tests, asked for the same x-rays to be taken, and prepped her for a CT scan - all of which came back completely normal.
He came into her room and started telling her that he wasn’t sure what the problem was - it might in fact just be a nasty virus. It was about this point that her mother flew off the handle and demanded they perform a gallbladder function test. She was so adamant that the G.I. doctor was - I think - caught off guard. He agreed to perform tests on her gallbladder. A few hours later a surgeon came back in and announced the tests showed her gallbladder was functioning abnormally and needed to come out; surgery was scheduled for the next morning.
Throughout the entire process, the think that consistently stuck in my mind was how much each persons “bedside manner” varied, and how much those variations impacted my opinion of the person.
The internal medicine specialist was fabulous, she was caring, concerned, and compassionate. Her bedside manner made us feel completely as ease even while she told us that according to all of the test results, my wife was completely normal.
The G.I. specialist was terrible, he seemed have more important things to be doing than explaining what might be causing the G.I. symptoms my wife was experiencing. He was rushed and didn’t seem to have (or want) any emotional connection to any of us. He left us all feeling more anxious about the situation.
Finally, the surgeon was - as is often stereotyped - arrogant. He was very calm and self-assured, and while he did a very good job of explaining the procedure at a highly intellectual and technical level, he didn’t make any attempt at an emotional connection. The general feeling we all got from him was he didn’t really care one way or the other. After the surgery he seemed indifferent, even put off, by my wife’s questions.
The nursing staff varied from excellent to worthless depending on who was assigned to my wife.
The major differences between all of these people, with all of their extremely specialized training, was their bedside manner. Some really became involved and drew us in; others left us feeling distanced and unconnected. It made me really think about the relationships I’ve had and currently have. How is my “bedside manner” when it comes to establishing and building relationship?
I realized that, for me, the act of establishing a relationship wasn’t difficult, but the maintenance of relationships was. For me, maintenance or relationships is a weak area that I need to work on.
I found it interesting to think about my relationships in this doctor/patient “bedside manner” framework. How much better could my relationships be if I tried to make sure I had the characteristics I admired in the first doctor? Caring, compassion, concern - those are powerful concepts that Dr. Harris had nailed. In the little time she spent with my wife, she “felt” like an old friend even though she didn’t really know my wife. When you can feel like an old friend in only a few minutes, you’ve made a powerful connection.
So, how is your bedside manner? Do you strive to build deep relationships or are you aloof and distanced? If you were a patient laying in a hospital bed, would you want your doctor to act like you do in relationships? When I stop to really think about it I know there are certainly aspects and behaviours of myself I wouldn’t want a doctor to have while working with me.
As for me, I need to triage my bedside manner and send it to the ICU for some critical-care changes! Maybe you do too?
1 comment May 17th, 2006
