Posts filed under 'Habits'
The word “only” has been a good friend of mine. I’ve used it to justify a lot of dumb expenses in my life. I say things like, “Hey, adding HBO and Showtime to our satellite package is only $22 a month.” And I don’t think about how that’s really $264 a year (plus tax)!
It’s so easy to see that easy, low monthly payment and “only” yourself. And when you have a lot of “only” payments, pretty soon you’re looking at your bank account and wondering where all your money went.
I did a quick inventory of my current “only-ies” and calculated I’m spending $316 a month! That’s $3,792 a year that’s going out the door…a few bucks at a time. Yikes! Where’s that money going and how can I get it under control?
To clarify what an “only” is; it’s a payment for something that’s really nice to have, but is ultimately non-essential at the end of the day. We gotta’ pay our electric bill. The satellite TV bill isn’t necessary to living, it’s just nice. It’s an “only” expense (ditto for items on store-credit, or credit cards. I’m looking at you new room-full-of-furniture!).
Here are some of my “only-ies”:
Cell phone bill? Yep, going to keep it. True, I could live a completely fulfilling life without a cell phone, but it’s just so darn convenient (We have decided to look into pay-as-you-go options when our contract is up because frankly the wife and I just don’t need thousands-of-minutes a month).
Virtual fax line? Yep, I’m keeping that too. I don’t get personal faxes every day, but when I do it’s a pain to coordinate getting them at work or hooking up a fax machine at home for a few hours to receive one. Plus it’s less per month than a separate phone line at home for a dedicated fax machine.
HBO & Showtime premium channels? Nope! There are a few shows on HBO that my wife and I watch, and they’re all off until next season so….canceled! (We’ll decide if we’re going to resubscribe when our shows come back)
Super-duper-all-the-channels package on satellite? Nope! We sat down and scrolled through the channel guide and found out that we regularly watch ten channels; our 4 major locals plus TLC, Discovery, Food Network, Comedy Central, HGN, and A&E. To our pleasant surprise all of those channels are in the very lowest-level package our provider offers. Move over $90-a-month TV, here comes $40-a-month TV! Sure, we could probably cut paid TV out entirely, but we both like it so it stays - for now - at a much lower monthly cost (plus there is never anything good on these days anyway!).
Netflix subscription? Tough call - I’ll need to do some number crunching on this. When I first subscribed, I was a movie-watching-fool. I would get a movie on Monday, watch it, mail it back Tuesday, get a new move on Thursday and do it all over again. I calculated my first month I paid about $0.80 per movie. However as I moved through my list of to-watch flicks, I’ve slowed down a lot in my movie watching habits. For the last two months it’s cost me $6 per movie to be a subscriber! Sorry Netflix - I love you - but you’ve got to go.
Some quick Excel work tells me that by cutting out and cutting back we dropped our “only-ies” from $316 per month to $191 per month (and a lot of that is cell phone). That’s a 39% monthly savings or $1,500 a year back in our pocket.
We’re fortunate that we’ve kept a lot of our “only-ies” under control, but I know a lot of people who use credit, same-as-cash deals, and store financing to get new appliances, electronics, furniture, and more - all for “only” a few bucks a month - and it’s killing them!
I encourage you to sit down and take a long hard look at your “only-ies”. You might be surprised at how much your “little monthly obligations” really cut into your bottom line when you add them all up!
January 24th, 2008
I’m “stuff” person…always have been. It’s not that I want to acquire stuff for the purpose of just acquiring it; I’m the kind of person who gets exciting by something, and then has to have all the requisite items and accessories to support whatever phase I’m going through.
For example, I got the wild urge to learn how to make a really good cup of coffee. I start researching everything that’s been say on the subject, and decided I needed to buy a bean roaster, a super-duper 18-bar coffee maker, and a special grinder for the fresh coffee beans I would have to purchase online. Cha-ching! Making a cuppa-joe just got expensive.
And not to long ago I would have had all that stuff in my shopping cart at Amazon or some other e-tailer and have been well on my way to checking out before I even paused to think about the money I was spending.
And because of that, I have spent a lot of money on a lot of dumb stuff. I had to come up with a way to temper temptation and stop spending money on things I didn’t really need.
So what works?
I’ve found that - for me - the single best thing that keeps me from making as many “not-thought-out” purchases is reviewing how I’m spending my money. And that means keeping track of every single penny I spend.
I’ve tried both at various times throughout my life, and taken individually they don’t work.
When I tracked my spending to the penny, but didn’t review where the money was going I still overspent on temptation items. When I keep reports, but didn’t track my spending to the penny I would eventually get behind updating my records and overspend. I needed both.
I know other people use different tactics like writing down the item that’s holding their infatuation and then reviewing it a week or a month longer and only buying if the temptation is still there. That doesn’t work for me. I would write down what it was I wanted, and I would wait a few days, and invariably I would end up somewhere - item and credit card in hand - breaking my vow to wait for the purchase. The thrill of giving in to temptation would overwhelm me and lead to yet another dumb and unnecessary purchase.
For me accurate records AND regular review are necessary to avoid temptation, financially speaking.
I use Quicken for both the record keeping and the reporting, but the software alone won’t be your salvation. You have to work the system and make it a habit, that’s hard. There’s no easy way to do this other than doing it. I was lucky enough that my bank worked out-of-the-box and was able to get started by loading some data.
Trick 1:
To keep on top of it I make sure to put all my receipts in my wallet and key them into the software each and every day. That’s important because you can make a lot of dumb mistakes in a week’s time. If you’re entering and reviewing your spending once a week you’re probably not doing it often enough.
I know what you’re thinking; that you don’t have time to enter your receipts daily; just trust me and do it. It won’t take nearly as long as you think. I found I was spending literally three minutes a day entering my receipts.
Trick 2:
Run reports every day when you first start to get a really good idea where your money is going. It’s really nice if your bank lets you download the last few month’s transactions; you’ll be way ahead of the curve. Having a few months of transactions lets you immediately get an idea of how and where you’re spending your money.
But even if you have to start by entering the receipts you have, run spending reports every day. I like the fact that Quicken shows me a pie-chart of my spending and I can drill into the details. Regardless of what software you use, watch your spending daily!
When you start to see your “hobbies & leisure” spending heading toward the stratosphere, and you’re looking at it each and every day, it makes it a lot harder to rationalize spending you’d rather avoid.
Trick 3:
Be brutally honest with yourself. You’re not keeping all this detail and reviewing it daily for anyone else’s benefit. If you make a stupid purchase make a note of it. Put it in the memo field, make it a category, whatever it takes. Quicken lets you create category tags which are separate from spending categories. If I buy a video game, I can categorize it “hobbies & leisure” but I can tag it as “stupid”.
The category tags I use are: Essential, Non-essential, Unnecessary, and Stupid.
Paying my mortgage is essential, dining out is non-essential, buying a used video game is unnecessary, and buying a coffee bean roaster is stupid!
You’re only fooling (and hurting) yourself if you’re not honest in how you tag and categorize your expenses, so tell the truth!
So, does it work?
For me the answer is, yes, this works. I’ve been tracking and reporting my spending (every penny) for seven months now and - while my wife might disagree - my “foolish” spending is down a lot.
Sure, I still review my reports and have moments where I wonder what the heck I was thinking, but those moments are much fewer and farther apart these days.
To share an example, I’ve become hooked on Guitar Hero III and want to get the other Guitar Hero games. Since we’re just now out of the holidays, and our non-essential spending was already higher than normal, I’ve been able to keep myself from running out and buying the games. The old me would have looked at his checking account, seen plenty of “extra” money, and run off to the store without a second thought.
I still want the games, and I’ll buy them once my budget has room for it. For once I’m controlling my money rather than the other way around.
Getting started:
If you’re not using some kind of personal financial management software today, it’s time to start! There are so many choices available there’s no excuse to not be using something.
You can use Wesabe, Mint, Microsoft Money, Yodlee, or Quicken to name a few.
I’m partial to Quicken because it runs locally on my computer and I like the bill-pay features.
With the specials on tax software this time of year you can usually get Quicken or MS Money free. Since it’s likely you have to file taxes anyway, it’s a great way to get started using personal finance software if you’re not currently.
The most important thing is to just get started. Keep at it and you’ll find it easier and easier to put off those spending temptations. Your bank account will thank you!
January 17th, 2008
It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of productivity, organization tools, life-hacks…those things really tickle me deep down. I get a kick out of hearing about a new tip or trick to make my life easier.
This one I stumbled on by accident, and it’s my favorite so far - one of the simplest too.
The idea? Put you important to-dos and memos where you’ll see them when it counts most; first-thing when you wake up and last-thing before bed.
Where? Your bathroom mirror.
How? Dry-erase markers! (a buck, or less)
Yep, you read that right. Write on your bathroom mirror with a dry-erase marker. It’s likely the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see before bed.
Did you tell a co-worker you would bring a them book? Write it on the mirror before bed and you won’t forget in the morning. Were you supposed to pickup something on your way to work? Write it on the mirror and you won’t have to worry about remembering.
It helps you have - like David Allen advocates - “a mind like water.”
There are two caveats to be aware of with this tip - so take note:
1) Writing all over the bathroom mirror has a low WAF (wife acceptance factor). Some will yell; most will look at you like you’ve gone insane, roll their eyes, sigh heavily, and tell you to “clean that up.” It helps if you have your own bathroom.
2) The marker wipes off with a little bath tissue, but doing so will leave some streaks. You’ll have to clean your mirror more often than you otherwise would (I believe this contributes to the low WAF), but it’s worth it.
I have a nearly foolproof method to overcome the low WAF problem. Before you start note-taking, go into the bathroom, stand where they would, and look in the mirror. Now draw a big heart framing your head and shoulders and write something suitably sweet underneath (”I ‘wuv’ you” works well).
Most importantly, don’t say anything about it. Don’t say, “Honey come check this out!”. Leave it alone and let them find it. They will by the end of the day, and you’ll get major brownie points for being such a big sweetie. Now you can start to make notes out to the edge of the mirror and work your way to the middle. After that, your imagination is the limit.
I use an Expo marker. They don’t have fumes that make you feel stoned, and in a small bathroom that’s a good thing. You can probably liberate a spare marker from your office, I have 10 different colors in the tray of my white board - I’ve only ever used red, black, and blue. One bit of advice: get a black marker; the dark color will show up a lot better on the mirror.
So there’s my $1.00 idea. It makes me happy inside every time I erase a to-do I’ve added to my mirror, and I’ve been able to stop worrying about those loose tasks that need attention, but that I don’t always stop to add to a paper list!
December 14th, 2007
We’ve all heard the quote (often mis-attributed to Dr. W. Edwards Deming) that…”you can’t manage what you don’t measure.”
When working on reaching your goals (you do set SMART goals right?) you have to monitor and measure your progress so you know when you’ve achieved your goal, but you need to do more than just measuring to truly manage your goals.
I can use myself as a perfect example. In February I set a very aggressive weight loss goal for myself. I really launched in and tackled changing my eating and exercise habits to support my weight loss goal. And for 4 months I really rocked my goal. I was trending ahead of my weekly estimates and was getting much healthier.
I was not only measuring everything, but I was really incorporating those measurements into my entire being. I tracked calories, what I ate, how much I weighed, the amount I drank, how much exercise I finished. I measured everything to the Nth degree and really thought and reflected on it every day. I held my goal in mind and kept it very “bright”.
But as happens to so many of us, when things got really busy at work and at home, I slipped. I had a small accident that prevented me from working out for a few weeks. I stopped really focusing on my goal and just set myself on auto-pilot, keeping track of things, but not doing anything with the data.
The first thing to go was tracking all of my calories, fats, carbs, and protein, I was just tracking the food - barely. I still weighted myself every morning and wrote the results down, but I wasn’t plugging the numbers in my Excel spreadsheet and really watching how my weight was trending.
I knew at a glance I wasn’t really gaining any weight, but I wasn’t losing any either. That would be great - being stable - but I hadn’t reached my goal weight yet.
So I just sort of floated along on auto-pilot for a few months. I was still measuring a lot of variables, but because I wasn’t holding my goal right at the top of my conscious thoughts like I had been when I first started, I wasn’t making any solid progress.
Once I brought my goal back to the front of my thoughts - and kept it there - I started to make new progress towards it.
This is true for any goal. If you’re not pursuing the outcome, measuring your actions along the way, and focusing on the goal and keeping it big and bright in your mind you’ll eventually lose your forward progress to reaching the goal.
At best you’ll float along - making some progress in places, losing it in others - until one of three things happens:
- you give up on your goal
- you achieve some of your goal, but not to the level you really want
- you redefine your goal and re-energize yourself to really achieve it!
Reaching your goals isn’t just a matter of setting them. You have to measure your progress towards them and keep the outcome held firmly in mind.
Failing to measure your progress means you have to rely on luck to reach your desired outcome. Failing to keep your goal in mind means you’re just going through the motions when you measure your progress.
The two go hand-in-hand in reaching your goals to the full extent you’ve set for them!
November 8th, 2007
If you’re like me, sometimes the best thoughts strike at the worst times…like, say, when you’re driving.
Oh sure, I’ve been known to try to scribble a note to myself - holding the wheel with my knee, trying to pay attention to oncoming traffic. I’m sure it’s not the safest way to take a note on-the-go, but when inspiration hits you’ve got to be ready.
I knew there had to be a better way to capture my thoughts while I was in the car or in a place where writing a note was just impracticable. I thought that getting a voice recorder might be just the thing I was looking for. So I did a little research online and settled on an Olympus VN-2100 digital voice recorder. It was small, cheap, and held about 6 hours of recordings in “high” quality mode. It also was stylish in a sleek-white-iPodesque kind of way.
I was happy with my new toy…er, tool…and over the next few weeks proceeded to record a ton of ideas, thoughts, next actions, and musings.
After using it for about a month I discovered that there is usually a downside for every upside.
The good:
- Easy to collect your thoughts at the end of the day on the drive home
- Easy to record next actions & follow up items
- Great for not killing yourself while driving
The not so good:
- Get strange looks from the uninitiated when you record a “note to self…”
- You have to play back the notes, one by one, and process them into your capture system
- You have to actually have the thing with you when you want to record a note, or process your thoughts
The biggest problem I had was keeping the thing with me. It’s just big enough that slipping it into a pocket - while doable - is a bit uncomfortable. I looked like I was carrying an oddly shaped lump everywhere I went. I also had a hard time developing the habit of bringing it in from the car and then back out from my desk as I came and went. It was very easy to forget it in the console of my car, and it’s tough to process your thoughts when you don’t have the recorder!
Or I would remember to take it in to my desk, I would play all of my recordings and process them, then I would promptly forget the recorder on my desk when I headed back out to the car.
I also didn’t like the fact that capturing my recoded thoughts into my workflow was a real-time process. If I recorded 15 minutes of notes, it would take at least 15 minutes to replay them and organize them on my action lists or calendar.
I loved the idea of recording my thoughts while I was out and about, but the method wasn’t really working for me.
And then I found a very cool tool called Jott (http://www.jott.com/). I would say it’s a web-based tool, but that’s not entirely correct. It’s a piece of technology that makes capturing your thoughts and ideas very easy, and takes a lot of the work out of adding the items to your action lists, calendars, etc.
For me the biggest benefit is in “Jotting” myself. I signed up and listed my cell phone as my primary “Jott” device. When I call the main number (877-568-8486) it recognizes me by my cell phone’s caller ID. It asks “Who do you want to Jott?” and I respond by saying “Me” or “Myself.” Then it beeps and I can record my thoughts, when finished I hang up.
After you’ve hung up, serious voodoo magic happens. Jott’s servers transcribe your message and email it to you. A few minutes later I get an email with a transcription of my message. I can push it right into my GTD system with minimal effort, and I don’t have to replay the message and transcribe it myself.
After using the system for a while, I’ve been very impressed at how well it works with my notes. I would say the overall transcription accuracy is 80% to 85%. The times it’s not right, I’m usually using some slang or tech jargon or I’m calling from a pretty noisy environment. The nice thing is that when it can’t understand you it will say so in the message, and you can click the little speaker icon to hear the original.
Every morning I get an overview message of all the “Jotts” I left myself from the day before.
It also lets me setup individual contacts, and group them into lists. So I can record a note and have it emailed to a co-worker, or I can record a note and have it emailed to my entire department. If I think of something in the middle of the night that my teams to tackle the next morning; I roll over, grab my cellphone and when Jott asks me who I want to send the note to I say, “team.” How slick and simple is that?
What I don’t understand though (and have had a couple of converts ask me too) is how is this free? I can’t imagine this will stay free forever -and that makes me sad because it’s such a great tool. I think if they charge for it, a lot of people will be turned off of it and not try it out. For now though, there is no fee, and the only ads I’ve seen are in the daily overview I get each morning.
Jott also works much better for me than the digital recorder because while I had a hard time keeping the Olympus with me when I needed it, I always seem to have my RAZR in it’s trusty belt pouch. So it’s not been an issue at all to call and make the note (I keep Jott’s phone number on speed-dial #9 - to call I just hold the key for 2 seconds).
When I get back to my desk, I just copy and paste my transcribed notes into Tracks for my projects and next actions, or into 30Boxes for my calendar items. It doesn’t get much easier than that.
If you already use some type of voice capture while you’re driving or away from pen and paper you know how powerful the technique can be, I encourage you to check out Jott to take the power to the next level.
If you’re not doing any voice capture you’re really missing out. When you know that you can capture your thoughts and ideas (no matter how silly they later turn out to be) they just seem to flow out. Go and get a small voice recorder or sign up for Jott. You won’t regret either decision.
And for my standard disclaimer; I’m not affiliated with Jott in any way other than being a user who stumbled across the site out on the great big “Interweb”. They simply have a wicked cool tool, that really shows how amazing technology and a good idea can produce a killer online/offline application. I’ve not been given any consideration for this review of their service. I’m just trying to find great tools for myself, and share what I find with you.
June 28th, 2007
I’ve written about the process of practice before, but I don’t think the importance of planning and practice can be stressed enough.
When you practice a couple of things happen (as if by magic). You can quickly identify where you’re weaknesses are, you can uncovered general logistics problems (timing, flow, effort needed), and most importantly you can screw up in private!
There is no excuse for not practicing. I frequently hear (and sometimes even tell myself) there just isn’t enough time for adequate practice. That’s a pretty poor excuse - there is often plenty of time for practice if you manage your time well.
But now you’re going to say, “I don’t always get to set my own schedule! Sometimes there isn’t time in the schedule I’m given to practice!”
If this is true - and I’ve known some managers and bosses that would hand out impossible deadlines - you have a bigger problem than not practicing. You have a problem with general time management and the expectation of time management by your superiors. And frankly, is that a relationship you want to be in?
There was a reality television show on the Discovery Channel called American Hot Rod which featured Boyd Coddington’s shop of the same name. I’ve watched the show a few times and one thing that never seemed to change was the near impossible deadlines that the crew would be put under to deliver a finished car. All of the pressure created stress which sure made for good television, but it was typically artificial pressure. It looked like Boyd Coddington couldn’t turn down a client’s request OR manage his team’s time to make sure they weren’t always in a crunch.
Quite a few people left the company during the handful of times I saw the show. And every time a “key person” left it was in the middle of a tight deadline - all of the deadlines were tight. Boyd Coddington always told the same story, “I just don’t understand why they left…”
So if you’re in a situation where your time is not your own to control, and it’s being managed unrealistically, you first have to fix your situation before you can worry about practicing.
But assuming you do have control over your time and/or your managers are able to budget time-lines correctly, what’s keeping you from practicing?
There are several reasons; it’s not glamorous, it’s tedious, it seems like a lot of effort for the results.
And it’s precisely because of those reasons that you should make time to practice. Your competition likely won’t - practice is hard and often dull - and that’s a huge advantage for you.
Let me give you a real-world example of where practice makes a huge difference. Our company recently held it’s annual meeting. It’s a mandatory, all-hands affair with a goal of showcasing excellent performance from the past year and talking about where the company is headed in the coming twelve months.
At this meeting each core department head gives a brief speech - usually less than ten minutes - about the state of their department. This year we had eight departments presenting.
You could tell who had practiced just by listening to the speakers. We have a few who are fairly “natural” speakers, but even handicapping them for extra ability they might have and really listening showed who was rehearsed, poised, ready…practiced - who was winging it - and who was just reading directly from their notes.
The reaction from the audience was visible when a practiced speaker was in front of the crowd. Those speakers held their focus and attention much better than the unpracticed speakers.
So how much practice is enough? The reality is there is never enough practice. You can continue to refine yourself - always striving for perfection - and you’ll spend more than one life time and still never practice “too much”.
Consider those who’s lively hood relies on practice; athletes, magicians, musicians, or professional speakers. When we see them it’s after hours and years of practice.
Magicians don’t walk out on stage and make a car disappear - they practice and plan and practice some more. At the beginning of the season, athletes don’t show up at the ballpark or the golf course and just start playing. They’ve spend the off-season practicing, improving their skills, and working with trainers. Musicians don’t pick up a page with the lyrics to a new song as they’re headed out on stage.
So why are we so hesitant to practice as much?
I can give you a good example using myself. Photography is a passion of mine - I love creating images and I spend a lot of time behind a lens. About two years ago I was asked if I was interested in photographing a wedding for some close friends. The wedding was months away, but I spent those months with as much time behind the lens as I could squeeze in. When I wasn’t shooting images or testing my lighting systems, I had my nose buried in books and magazines about weddings and wedding photography.
When the big day finally arrived I think I was as nervous or maybe even more nervous than the bride and groom! But my months of preparation and work helped me immensely and when the bride started down the isle I was at ease because my practice kicked in. All day long people who knew I wasn’t a full-time photographer commented on how professional and polished I seemed.
Did I do a good job? Yes, I think so and so do the bride and groom. Do I still see hundreds of ways each image I shot could be improved? I sure do - ever time I look at them or show them to other people. However I’ve shot other weddings since that first wedding and each time I am able to practice and improve, and each time I find a few fewer flaws with the finished result.
Practice is never ending.
I’m sure that I’ve got a lot more practice that I should be doing in all areas of my life. I’m willing to wager you do too. We should take a page from the playbooks of athletes and musicians - there is a reason why they spend so much of their “free” time practicing - we should too!
May 23rd, 2006
Recently my wife complained of severe abdominal pain and nausea, so bad she asked to be taken to the hospital. When she was admitted, the doctors tried to get her feeling comfortable while they puzzled over what might be causing her problems.
The doctors listened with their stethoscopes, drew blood tests, had x-rays taken, and scheduled CT scans. Almost every test came back completely normal with one exception - a slightly enlarged appendix.
“Ah Ha!” cried the doctors, “Call in the surgeons, her appendix needs to come out!”
And in came the surgeons. They poked and prodded and asked for lengthy medical histories. Finally they concluded they thought the problem might be the appendix, but they weren’t sure; they decided to operate and remove it anyway.
While all of this was going on, my wife’s mother kept telling the doctors, the nurses, and the surgeons, “You know, when I was just a little older than her I had very similar symptoms. It was my gallbladder, can you test that?” The surgeons all thanked her for her input, but you could clearly tell they didn’t care what she had to say since she wasn’t a medical professional…The appendix was removed.
A week later my wife was again complaining of severe abdominal pain and nausea, she had been doing well the week before, this second attack came on suddenly, like the first - so we went back to the hospital. This time her doctor was G.I. specialist who ran the same blood work tests, asked for the same x-rays to be taken, and prepped her for a CT scan - all of which came back completely normal.
He came into her room and started telling her that he wasn’t sure what the problem was - it might in fact just be a nasty virus. It was about this point that her mother flew off the handle and demanded they perform a gallbladder function test. She was so adamant that the G.I. doctor was - I think - caught off guard. He agreed to perform tests on her gallbladder. A few hours later a surgeon came back in and announced the tests showed her gallbladder was functioning abnormally and needed to come out; surgery was scheduled for the next morning.
Throughout the entire process, the think that consistently stuck in my mind was how much each persons “bedside manner” varied, and how much those variations impacted my opinion of the person.
The internal medicine specialist was fabulous, she was caring, concerned, and compassionate. Her bedside manner made us feel completely as ease even while she told us that according to all of the test results, my wife was completely normal.
The G.I. specialist was terrible, he seemed have more important things to be doing than explaining what might be causing the G.I. symptoms my wife was experiencing. He was rushed and didn’t seem to have (or want) any emotional connection to any of us. He left us all feeling more anxious about the situation.
Finally, the surgeon was - as is often stereotyped - arrogant. He was very calm and self-assured, and while he did a very good job of explaining the procedure at a highly intellectual and technical level, he didn’t make any attempt at an emotional connection. The general feeling we all got from him was he didn’t really care one way or the other. After the surgery he seemed indifferent, even put off, by my wife’s questions.
The nursing staff varied from excellent to worthless depending on who was assigned to my wife.
The major differences between all of these people, with all of their extremely specialized training, was their bedside manner. Some really became involved and drew us in; others left us feeling distanced and unconnected. It made me really think about the relationships I’ve had and currently have. How is my “bedside manner” when it comes to establishing and building relationship?
I realized that, for me, the act of establishing a relationship wasn’t difficult, but the maintenance of relationships was. For me, maintenance or relationships is a weak area that I need to work on.
I found it interesting to think about my relationships in this doctor/patient “bedside manner” framework. How much better could my relationships be if I tried to make sure I had the characteristics I admired in the first doctor? Caring, compassion, concern - those are powerful concepts that Dr. Harris had nailed. In the little time she spent with my wife, she “felt” like an old friend even though she didn’t really know my wife. When you can feel like an old friend in only a few minutes, you’ve made a powerful connection.
So, how is your bedside manner? Do you strive to build deep relationships or are you aloof and distanced? If you were a patient laying in a hospital bed, would you want your doctor to act like you do in relationships? When I stop to really think about it I know there are certainly aspects and behaviours of myself I wouldn’t want a doctor to have while working with me.
As for me, I need to triage my bedside manner and send it to the ICU for some critical-care changes! Maybe you do too?
May 17th, 2006
Which of these two words is more descriptive of your life: proactive or reactive? It seems that for me the best description of my life lately has been “reactive.” I’m reacting to the circumstances around me more often than I’m keeping my eyes scanning the horizon and proactively handling situations as they arise.
My favorite definition of “proactive” comes from a paper I read years ago. I no longer know the original author, but the quote is wholly appropriate.
“In a nutshell, being proactive is the same thing as being reactive. The only difference is that you do the reacting ahead of time.”
Another person I know likes to say that he’s to busy “putting out Little Johnny’s fires” to “take away his matches” to describe why he’s often in a reactive mode rather than a proactive mode.
And let me tell you something, always being in a reactive mode will really take the starch out of your collar after a while. When I’ve let myself be at the whim of my circumstances rather than become the master of my circumstances, I’m usually exhausted at the end of the day. I stay up too late trying to get caught up, sleep poorly and then am tired the next day as I try to get caught up again while handling the fires that “Little Johnny” keeps setting.
Being reactive is no fun at all!
So how do you break out of a reactionary mode? That’s the tricky part. Usually once you’ve realized that your life is swinging from one emergency to another, you’re so deeply into a reactionary mindset that it’s very difficult to break free.
For me, when I’m finding myself this way, by the time the day is done and I’m asleep I’ve only tackled things for other people and not for myself. That’s a key - when you’re in a highly reactionary mode you’re probably largely driven by other people - external forces. When you’re in a highly proactive mode you’re likely driven by yourself and your own internal forces.
The word “no” is an amazingly powerful tool to help you break out of a reactive mode. If other people are causing you to be reactive, then you have to limit their access to your time, talent and resources. Nancy Regan had it right when she told people to, “Just say No!”
It’s difficult to tell someone you can’t help them - it’s more difficult to tell them you won’t help them. The trick is to tell them why you’re telling them “no.” People generally want to help each other out - so often explaining why you’re saying “no” will be understood by others. Be firm, stand your ground, and just say, “no.”
You have to triage your time, and learning the art of “no” is the first step to taking your time back. Once you have your time back, you have to figure out what is coming at you so you can begin to move from a reactive mode to a proactive mode - so you can do your reacting ahead of time.
You have to try to see the “big picture” and understand what is happening around you. It’s easy to know what is happening to you, but if you don’t have a context of things around you, you can’t become proactive because you’ll never know what’s coming next.
Start by outlining your major projects, get clear and get it written down. Make sure you can see it in a context that makes sense to you.
Then start adding names of everyone who will have input to your project. These are the people you have to connect with to find out what else is coming. Remember that they’re having an input on your projects, but someone else is having an input on their projects. It’s possible the people who input on their projects will cause crises for you, so get to know what’s happening with those around you.
I once worked with a manager who liked to talk about “socializing” his projects. I always thought it was silly “management-speak” but really what he was doing was keeping his projects visible to those he was counting on, and keeping an eye the projects of those he was counting on at the same time.
If you don’t know a storm is coming you can’t prepare for it. Once you know a storm is coming you can prepare and be proactive.
You should also know that you will fail at this from time to time. It takes energy to keep yourself “in the loop” with all of the contributors of your projects. It takes energy to cope with the emergencies and burning fires on your plate while you begin to make changes to be more proactive.
It serves no purpose to beat yourself up when you do notice you’re working in a reactive manner. You should realize that your reactivity is a symptom that you need to deal with, not a failure you should feel bad about.
You should instead praise yourself for catching the slip into reactionary mode and use it as an indicator that you need to put the breaks on, evaluate your projects and take corrective action to stop reacting to your circumstances.
Remember, you should be the master of your circumstances. Take a break, just say no, “socialize” your projects and get back in control!
March 2nd, 2006
About a week ago Brad Issac had an article up on his web site titled How to Take A Caffeine Nap - and the timing was a bit uncanny with my own experiments with napping and power napping.
So today I tried combining my power nap with a shot of caffeine.
To put things in perspective, I’m not a big consumer of caffeine. I drink the occasional diet soft drink or iced tea, and very little coffee. My drink of choice is ice-cold water.
So today when I sat down for my power nap, I preceded it with a “Biggie” diet Coke from Wendy’s, and tried to get restful and relaxed.
One thing that really struck me was how vivid the images in my mind were - even more than usual. I never felt like I was completely asleep - I teetered right on that edge between sleep and wakefulness - but the images were very vivid and “real” and the thoughts just seemed to flow and swirl around in my head.
I had a bit of grogginess when I first roused myself, but it’s been about 15 minutes since my nap and I feel completely alert and fully rested. I’m not ready to attribute the experience fully to the caffeine after just one experience, but today’s nap was certainly a different experience than my previous naps.
I think some more experimentation with caffeine and napping is required, but after just one go at it I feel like there is something to the idea. If you’re into napping, you might want to give a caffeine nap a try yourself!
February 17th, 2006
Yesterday I had the opportunity to lie down in a comfortable place while taking my nap. Let me forewarn you that unless you have immensely strong will power, this might not be the best idea.
I got comfortable, set a timer for 20 minutes and stretched out, ready to relax. Within minutes I was sound asleep and instead of power napping for 20 minutes, I slept for an hour and twenty minutes! I didn’t hear the timer I set, and finally was awake enough to look at my wrist watch and realize how long I had been out. I felt groggy and “thick headed” because it was too long of a nap.
So a word of caution if you’re power napping; don’t get to comfortable and fall completely asleep. If you’re not careful you’ll end up oversleeping and groggy at the end.
Today was much better - again I didn’t use any music of other aids to take power nap. I’ve found that after a day or two of it taking me longer to get settled down and relaxed, I so far feel like I get a deeper nap when I don’t use any music of the Pzizz software. Today I even noticed some hypnagogic images float through my mind. You can experience hypnagogic images and sounds when you’re right on the edge between being awake and being asleep. They’re sort of a dream you have while you’re awake.
I don’t really recall any specific details, but I realized that I wasn’t asleep and I was dreaming. It was a very surreal experience, not unlike a lucid dream.
I feel much more refreshed this afternoon.
So far power napping is getting two big thumbs up from me. I don’t feel like I’m quite as cranky and crabby in the afternoons because I’m more relaxed. Taking a 20 minute break in the middle of the day for “me time” has also a great stress reliever as well.
February 16th, 2006
Previous Posts
